First, not in a million years could I believe that my face could make papers or be online and more so associated with the gay movement in Kenya.
Working with the media has been an enriching and wonderful learning experience. It was hard in the beginning. I was scared and unsure, but I know the media influence society and I chose to be open to them and in this way assist other gay men and women by giving a face to Kenyan homosexuality. Gone are the days of blurring faces and changing voices and other masking tactics when gay people were featured in the press.

In addition, I have realized that the lack of openness contributes to the stigma surrounding homosexuality. People need to see us, how we live, work, pray and interact.

Thankfully, my immediate family knew that I was “different” and so it was not that shocking for them to see me “outed” in the papers. In fact, an aunt called that morning and told me that she had seen me in the papers and that she was really proud of me for speaking out. Then I asked her if she knew I was gay and she said she and the others knew but, and these are her exact words, “We did not ask if you didn’t tell.”

My grandmother and grandfather asked me to explain it to them. I met them and then went into details of the interview I had done and then told them that I was gay. They did not appear surprised or shocked. And most oddly, neither went on a religious tirade condemning me on the basis of religion. They, however, made it clear that being gay was still not accepted by many and it would be difficult for me. They are OK with me being gay.
Their main worry was that since they live in a close-knit community, they would invariably be asked about it. In fact, they have received calls and been stopped on the streets and asked about it.

On the other hand, I have a close relative who insisted that I was paid by mzungus a lot of money to say that I was gay. To her, homosexuality is something foreign and normally associated with old white men using local young Kenyan boys for sex. From what I hear she was adamant that I was paid and she even managed to convince other relatives.

Some friends congratulated me and said that fighting for gay rights was good. They are mainly in university and well off and educated and so intrinsically they want the best for all Kenyans, regardless of particular identities or labels.
But one of my very best friends tried to ignore me when I went to greet him on the streets. He saw me coming and tried dodging me. When it was clear that he couldn’t, I went to him, stretched out my hand to him and said “hello.” He replied quickly, ignored my hand, and walked away in a hurry. It was one of my low moments.

Am I better off with my family and friends now that I am open? All I will say is that things have changed. I am still their son and friend and that cannot change. We may not meet eye to eye, but one thing is for sure: I am loved. My blood is their blood. They are my family by birth; perhaps it’s time to seek a new family of choice – gay friends, their partners, a boyfriend, a confidante.

Most gays I have met have since then have asked me if I appeared on tv with ulterior motives. They ask whether I am public because someone out there—and they usually mean the USA or UK— wants to see gays on tv so that they can fund us or offer legal asylum.

First, nothing like this has happened. I have not been coerced by any person or group or nation to go public. Nor have I been offered any form of money or favors, and lastly, I did not go public to seek asylum.

I knew the risks I was taking and I did so voluntarily. I do NOT want to be given asylum because I am gay. I do NOT want to leave Kenya anytime soon and go live openly as a gay man in a foreign country, no matter the progress made in regards to homosexuals in that particular country. I want to move this movement in Kenya and within Kenyan parameters.

Your writing is often very personal and revealing, often very open about sex and body image. Could you say a little about why you write on these topics?

Sex is often a taboo subject to most people in Kenya. Talking or even referring to sex is seen as disgusting, immoral and shameful. Many have come to associate sex with feelings of fear and guilt. I write to help people express themselves sexually. I aim for them to be liberated and to be open about sexual expression without fear, shame or guilt.

I had body image issues growing up. I was insanely obese and with the advent of adolescence, I began to experience physical changes that were scary. I felt alone and feared showing myself in public. Something as natural as puberty became a source of torment. I used to hate the way I looked. Due to this I had low self esteem and my social life deteriorated. I became shy and reserved and closeted. I felt unloved and ugly.

By writing about my struggles in detail, I hope to help others facing similar battles by letting them know that they are not alone.

Recently, David Kuria, the manager of GALCK, encouraged Kenyans to come out of the closet. When I read the call, I thought about an essay by Silviano Santiago, a Brazilian author and activist, who has argued that the U.S. model of coming out might not necessarily be the best strategy in other global spaces. What is your position on coming out in Kenya?

I commend David’s call for Kenyans to come out of the closet!

There are several things about the call I need to note.

The security element was largely considered as he asked that people give their names (one or both or all) and leave it at that. Anonymous names, I think were also accepted. Chances are that people can be willing to ‘come out’ if there is assurance that what they give, details and all, won’t be a dead giveaway about them. Of course, the more daring and bold ones gave all their names and other details. This was encouraging.

David also encouraged respondents to fill in their voting location. This call was done during the period of Kenya’s Constitution review and in preparation for the referendum. Was this a political move to subtly but importantly show people that they have the power (of their voters card) to change the way they live? Was this a way to show that homosexuals too are Kenyans and are entitled to the same rights as all? I think had the goal of 100,000 Kenyans been achieved, someone was bound to notice!

Coming out in Kenya is as diverse as it is complex.

Some people, especially those who are well off financially, choose to tell their family and friends they are gay. Others choose to come out in more subtle ways, by having a “special friend,” showing complete disinterest in the opposite sex, and dropping hints here and there. 

But invariably there is also another coming out: coming out to yourself.

Coming out need not be an appeal to others. Coming out need not be even public. No one is under pressure to come out. And there should no pressure for every homosexual to say he is one. I would prefer having gays who accept themselves and live life to the fullest than have gays come out publicly. I think the greatest battle is inside of us, not outside.

In terms of activist strategies in Kenya, which ones do you think are working very well and what else do you think needs to be done?

There is fundamentally only one form of activism in use in Kenya: engagement and dialogue. GALCK and other gay groups reach out to government, Civil Society, and local community groups, and this strategy has borne remarkable fruit. It is this way that they have gained entry to decision making bodies and policy changers like the National AIDS Control Council (NACC) and the Kenya Human Rights Commission (KHRC). By appearing willing and open to dialogue they have disarmed an otherwise hostile reception. Dialogue has so far been successful.

However, I firmly believe, we also need the other form of activist: confrontation and open encounter. The thing with this kind of activism is that it is seen as too “foreign.” Public protests, citizens’ arrests, riots, hunger strikes, and other unconventional means are seen as something that are not only unnecessary but costly and people are wont to go with that they deem will not be harmful or cause too much a stir.

We do not need uniformity in our strategies; we need diversity. We need to have people on both sides of the camp. Those I call “airport activists” (confrontation) and “armchair activists” (dialogue).

I also note that the dialogue strategy is better undertaken by more established groups while confrontation is mainly undertaken by individual gay activists. Can both work? YES!

However, the best strategy we have is to have gay Kenyans come out (not necessarily publicly) and live life as Kenyans who are gay. Let me admit that personally, the kind of activism I do is not to see a Constitution that respects the rights of sexual minorities or make it criminal to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation –welcome as this is- but to see each and every single Kenyan who is homosexual live life to the fullest without fear, prejudice or guilt. For that we don’t need armchair or airport activists or even activism. We need heart. 

A critic once wrote that many white Americans misunderstood James Baldwin. They thought he was asking for sympathy. He was asking for justice. In terms of Kenyan activism, I sometimes get the sense that the same thing might be happening, that non-queer Kenyans confuse sympathy with justice. What is your sense?

Why come out? Why tell the whole world you are gay? I find it incomplete if it is done to elicit some form of emotional sympathy or when it is done to the point of it making one a victim in need of sympathy or rescue and special care.

People quickly forget that it’s not about oh-I-am-so-sorry-you-are-gay but you are gay and you have rights just as I do.

There are those non-queer Kenyans, especially the educated who will want justice for all persons, sexual orientation notwithstanding. They are visionaries and pioneers of a new society, one where all persons are equal and each is accorded rights as human beings. But I will admit that yes, most gay people ultimately will reach out to the emotion of people to try and make them empathize with their orientation. Yes, it has worked but it is incomplete and unsatisfactory.
Justice for all people must be the end of all our actions.

Any final comments?

All that I do, all that I say, all that I write, all that I express, all these and more, are a means to an end. I want to see a Kenya that is accepting and affirming to all persons. I want to help all homosexual to be fully alive, fully in touch with themselves, fully themselves. I may not live to see any fruits of what I do, but what I want is that we all live with people who understand, care and allow us to be ourselves. The work I and others do is but a drop. We can only do so much. The rest will be taken up by others who will push this further on.

Is another world, an inclusive one, possible?

Yes!